17 July 2012
Guide for foreign visitors at the Olympics
Tim Dowling from The Guardian came up with a hilarious guide for foreign visitors attending the Olympics in London.
"Nobody here can answer any questions you have about fencing. Google it."
"Britons love bleak humour: that's why all the hire bikes are branded with the name of a bank currently being investigated for fixing interest rates. It's supposed to be funny."
"If you have arrived early, you might just be lucky enough to catch a glimpse of the final leg of the Olympic torch relay. Or you might be at a riot. Ask yourself the following questions: are there lots of people holding flames, or just one? Is everybody running in the right direction? Does the nearest branch of Foot Locker appear to be having the craziest sale ever?"
"Please aid the Olympic authorities and organisers by demonstrating at all times that you are not a terrorist. Do not perspire, take off your shoes, smile in a weird way while texting someone, or point and shout: "Hey! Look at all those missiles on that roof over there!" In fact, if you're not using your hands for anything, it's probably best if you keep them in the air where everybody can see them."